Your relationship is struggling. Maybe you've tried couples counseling. Maybe your partner won't go. Maybe you've read the books, had the talks, made the agreements, and you keep ending up in the same place.

Here's what you might not have considered: the problem might not be the relationship. It might be what you're both bringing into it.

Not because you're the one at fault. But because the way you respond to your partner - the shutting down, the flaring up, the pursuing, the withdrawing - these behaviors didn't start in this relationship. They started decades ago. And until you explore and understand these behaviors, you'll keep running the same patterns no matter who you're with.

Relationship Therapy - No Partner Required

What Brings People Here

The same argument with different words. You know how it's going to go before it starts.

Distance that's grown slowly. You're roommates now. Functional, but not connected.

One of you pursues, the other retreats. The harder you reach, the further they go.

Anger that comes out sideways—or gets swallowed entirely.

The sense that you're the only one trying.

Thinking about leaving, but not sure if that's the right call or just exhaustion talking.

An affair, yours or theirs, that blew everything open.

The Pattern Underneath

Most relationship struggles come down to attachment. These are behaviors you learned early on to get close to people or protect yourself from them.

Often one person gets anxious when there's distance and moves toward. The other gets overwhelmed by closeness and moves away. Neither is pathological. But together they create a cycle that feels inescapable. The anxious partner may try to manage their anxiety by controlling. The avoidant partner may try to manage their anxiety by avoiding.

You probably didn't choose this pattern. It was installed before you became an adult. And it shows up most intensely with the people you're closest to.

The pursuing can feel like neediness. The withdrawing can feel like coldness. They're both just adaptations to life that happened long before this relationship existed.

We identify the pattern and where it came from. Then we work with the underlying material, usually early attachment stuff, so it stops running your behavior automatically.

EMDR Therapy is useful here because attachment patterns live in the body, not just the mind. You can understand your pattern intellectually and still keep running it. EMDR helps relax the nervous system so you can absorb the wisdom of your insights.

Parts work helps you understand the internal conflict. For example, the part that wants closeness, the part that's terrified of it, the part that keeps score, the part that wants to run. We all have parts: The part that wants the ice-cream and the part that wants to lose weight.

When You Know Therapy is Working:

You stop reacting from old wounds. You respond to your actual partner, not to whoever they remind you of.

You can ask for what you need without the drama or the hints.

You stop over-functioning for both of you, or under-functioning and waiting to be fixed.

You get clear on what you actually want. This relationship, or something else.

What Therapy Does

You can't make them do their own work. Some people never will. Others start to see the value that therapy is having on their partner and it motivates them to seek therapy too.

But here's what we've observed: when one person changes how they show up, the dynamic shifts. Your partner responds differently because you're different. Sometimes that opens things up. Sometimes it clarifies that the relationship isn't viable. Either way, you're operating from solid ground instead of reactivity.

And if you've been the one pushing for change while they refuse? This work helps you figure out what you're willing to accept. And what you're not.

What About My Partner?

This Isn't About Fixing Yourself So They Don't Have To

Individual relationship therapy isn't about becoming the "perfect partner" so the other person doesn't have to do anything. It's about getting clear on your own patterns so you can stop running them automatically.

What happens to the relationship after that depends on both of you. But you'll be navigating it from a completely different place. You will clarity on what you want. And you will have the strength and confidence to pursue whatever that is.